I seem to constantly be thinking about what I am as an artist, what I want to be doing, what the point of my work is, how I am affecting society, how I am affecting the trajectory of art as a subset of society, why what I am doing is important, needing to justify it, feeling embarrassed to be proud to be an artist, feeling like I should have a "real job" even though I don't want a "real job" but hearing so much about how I should have one that I almost believe it, needing to justify my work to potential landlords (emphasizing the "real job" bits), trying to fit myself into applications, trying to create statements about projects or about myself, writing bios that don't feel contrived or stuck-up, wondering if the "real world" cares about my work. Too much.
It's really hard to feel like an artist when people around you seem to think its a nice hobby but "When are you going to get a real job?" It's even harder when you add self-doubt about ability or amount of output or thinking about HOW you should be being an artist.
Should it always be this hard? Does it get better? Does it get easier to break through this overwhelming barrier and just create because it's what you need to do?
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